Job: Actor x2
Artform: Austerity theatre
Following the withdrawal of our regular arts funding, we’re looking for two almost-superhuman actors to form the entire cast for our production of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers.
When it became apparent that our funding was not as secure as we had previously believed, we blithely insisted that our production schedule would continue as previously arranged, and it is only now that we are beginning to realise the ramifications of this as we attempt to stage the 1954 musical celebration of multiple nuptials with a cast of only two people.
We are therefore looking for two exceptionally fit actors, as they will have to do a lot of running around. We don’t want actors keeling over as the demands of re-enacting the original’s gruelling dance scenes fall not upon fourteen teenagers, but two senior citizens from the Indian subcontinent.
For, lest we forget to mention, our sole remaining funding comes from the Laxmishanker G. Pathak Foundation, whose mission is to encourage artistic participation by ‘citizens of the third age’ from a Gujarati background. We are eternally grateful to the LG Pathak Foundation for sticking by us, and it is to our great discredit that we did not consider the paucity of roles for Gujarati senior citizens in the romantic musical tale of Oregonian backwoodsmen and their brides.
Nevertheless, we plough on regardless, resting on the ever-benevolent arms of the Theatrical Fates, and we are certain that there must be – there must be – actors out there with the internal constitution, acting ability, and proud Indian heritage to take on seven roles each and sing rousing versions of “Sobbin’ Women” and “Lonesome Polecat”.
Please get in touch. Without the two of you, our epic musical vision shall be yet another scalp claimed by this disastrous turn in Arts Council funding, and our short-sighted press release insisting that we would carry on come-what-may will indeed be the final nail in the coffin for our theatrical ambition.
Plus, we’ve got a lot of complimentary Patak’s chutney that needs eating.
Apply to NRAJ Box 33