Archive for the Multi-Discipline Category

Bemused Friend Of Theatremakers Seeks Less-Furious Social Circle – London

Posted in Multi-Discipline on April 18, 2011 by Not Real Arts Jobs

Job: Friends
Artform: Just being normal
Paid?: Paid in love, and the occasional round of drinks
Location: London (and also on all major social networking sites)

Following an exhausting period of time where all of my friends have been extremely angry about cuts to the Arts Council, and government policy in general, I’m looking for a whole new social circle that are a bit – you know – less pissed off.

I haven’t actually done any theatre since university, and I feel like my artsy friends and I went through some really great times together, but I don’t think talking to me about Arts Council cuts will do any good.

For a start, I have a day-job in Millets, selling tents and hiking boots and other outdoorsy-type stuff. I’m a pretty understanding guy, and I admit that some of the government’s actions seem a little ideological, but jeez, guys, you’ve got to lighten up.

My friend Jeff signed my birthday card with the legend “Good luck making it to the next birthday without any THEATRE”, and I was trying to have a nice quiet pint with Nicola, but she couldn’t stop breathlessly calling George Osborne unspeakably crude names and tearing a napkin into really small pieces. I sympathise with their friends losing their jobs, and there being less money around to fund another bloody PLAY I have to go to, but seriously, do they have to be such dicks about it?

I’m looking for a whole new social circle to replace the one I have at the moment. Perhaps where we can have a nice drink or a picnic on a Sunday, without Martin insisting we all go and occupy a tax-dodging shop and do a bit of agit-prop theatre.

And I’d also like a Twitter feed that isn’t relentlessly depressing. Maybe it just contains tweets about football, or what happened on Britain’s Got Talent… I’m pretty sure Sarah’s Facebook wall used to be about funny pictures of rabbits and cool graffiti she had seen, and that was quite enjoyable; now she just posts up extracts of Johann Hari articles, and then links through to the same Johann Hari articles. It’s just a bit of a drag.

I welcome applications from people who like throwing a frisbee, those who are excited about the Royal Wedding, and moderately attractive girls who might have sex with me even though I don’t know the UK’s National Debt as a percentage of GDP.

Apply to NRAJ Box 34
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com

New Country Required For Entire UK Arts Industry – Global

Posted in Multi-Discipline on May 13, 2010 by Not Real Arts Jobs

Job: Country
Artform: All
Paid?: A little respect would be nice
Location: Anywhere but here

The entire UK Arts industry is looking for a new country to reside in, following the election of a Conservative coalition government.

That’s right, folks! We’re shipping out! All of us. Apart from Michael Caine.

We’re looking for somewhere to ply our various trades – somewhere where arts subsidy isn’t replaced with non-existent private benefactors, somewhere where we can operate without futile attempts to trim our admin budget, and somewhere where the BBC is not treated as Rupert Murdoch’s whipping boy.

Also, somewhere warm.

Some may accuse us of being rats abandoning a double-dipping ship. Those people are correct. See you guys in four years!

Please apply to NRAJ Box 28
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com

Someone with a car, Going To Devon Productions – Yorkshire

Posted in Multi-Discipline on March 26, 2010 by Not Real Arts Jobs

Job: Someone with a car
Artform: Driving
Paid?: I will buy you some Pringles for the car, and maybe some Extra Strong Mints
Location: Now, Yorkshire. Soon, Devon.

I am Alistair, the Artistic Director of Going To Devon Productions. We make really good art in pretty much all genres, but especially the genres you like. So if, for example, you liked sculpture, then we make really good sculpture.

We’re looking for someone with a car to take the important position in the company of Someone With A Car, the main duties of which are driving me (Alistair) to Devon, and maybe putting on the mix tape I made.

It is important that you do not think that I am just trying to get to Devon from Yorkshire for – for example – a holiday with my brother. No, this is a piece of art, and when I get to Devon we will also make some art, my brother and me, probably out of sand on one of Devon’s many attractive beaches.

Must have access to car (own if possible) and be able to drive it to Devon.

It is important that you reply to this. I predict big things are about to happen with my company. Be in at the start of something amazing!

Apply to NRAJ Box 3
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com