Archive for the Film, TV & Broadcast Media Category

This Job Advert Is Definitely Not A Coded Message To A Spy – Barnstaple

Posted in Film, TV & Broadcast Media on April 2, 2010 by Not Real Arts Jobs

Job: Someone to help. Just someone to help.
Artform: Criticism / Observation / Surveillance
Paid?: Your usual rate.
Location: You are currently in Barnstaple. This may change.

Are you interested in the CINEMA OF THE BAHAMAS? We need someone OUT THERE as soon as possible.

The FILM DIRECTOR is premiering his new FILM on the subject of ILLEGAL NUCLEAR WEAPONS. We need someone to go to this BLACK TIE event and sample the CANAPES.

Of course, in Nassau, APRIL IS A SPRING MONTH. So take a CLEAN SHIRT.

Make haste. We, and the whole world, are depending on you.

To… uh… tell us about the Cinema of the Bahamas.

Apply to NRAJ Box 17
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com

URGENT: For The Love Of God, Give David Tennant A Job – Anywhere

Posted in Film, TV & Broadcast Media, Theatre, Dance & Performing Arts on March 30, 2010 by Not Real Arts Jobs

Job: Yes please
Artform: David Tennant
Paid?: At this point, it doesn’t even matter.
Location: Anywhere. He has a car. HE WILL DRIVE TO YOU.

This is an URGENT MESSAGE. You know David Tennant, right? Up until recently he was Doctor Who. Now, he URGENTLY needs a job.

I am David Tennant’s agent, and it is imperative that he at least gets one decent job before the new guy starts on Saturday.

I’m trying to think of a decent analogy… Okay, imagine you’ve broken up with someone, and then they say they’re coming round to dinner with their new boyfriend… you need to have a new boyfriend too, right? Right. Well, it’s like that. Doctor Who has a new boyfriend (Matt Smith), and poor David is left with NOTHING. Not even that American pilot that didn’t get picked up.

Besides, did you not HEAR? His last words as Doctor Who were “I don’t want to go”! Have pity on the man, for Rassilon’s sake!

Theatre, telly… he’s done it before, and he can do it again. He’ll even try film, although St Trinian’s 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold didn’t do so well, and he was only in Harry Potter for about five seconds. HAVE PITY ON HIM!

Remember! David Tennant! He’s the skinny one! He has HAIR! How can someone like this be unemployable. Shit, at this rate, he’s going to be the one doing voiceovers on Little Britain in ten years’ time.

Please give generously. David needs a job by Saturday, and I need a break. He is calling me night and day. Night and day.

Apply to NRAJ Box 12
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com

Totally Hot Girl required for Short Film – London

Posted in Film, TV & Broadcast Media on March 26, 2010 by Not Real Arts Jobs

Job: Totally Hot Girl
Artform: Film (Short)
Paid?: Not exactly…
Location: London

Talk To The Hand Films (Michael Grickory and Bryn Evans) are looking for a Totally Hot Girl to hang around the set of our new short film “Geezerbread Men”.

The film is the story of two lifelong criminal friends (played by Mike and Bryn) who have many conversations on subjects like why they do crime, the nature of existence, who is more gay, and whether they would like to shoot Emu from Rod Hull and Emu (the answer is yes). We’re really influenced by late-’90s gangster films like Lock Stock, which were really influenced by ’70s gangster films, so that must mean we’re influenced by them as well.

We’re looking for a Totally Hot Girl to be in the film. There’s no role for the Totally Hot Girl in the film, but maybe she could be hanging around at the back of shot when Mike and Bryn’s characters are talking.

Actually, no, I’ve just thought. Mike and Bryn’s characters have a Totally Hot cleaner who cleans their flat, and so you can be in the background dusting or something while Mike and Bryn are talking about the time they went bowling and whether that is as good as shooting people (the answer is no). Anyway, Mike and Bryn wrote the film, so you can negotiate the part you want. It’s just nice to have a Totally Hot Girl on-set.

If you are lucky, and Totally Hot enough, then you could also date either Mike or Bryn, who are both currently single. You could choose your favourite of the two, but it will probably be Mike as I am the looker of the two of us.

We may accept more than one Totally Hot Girl if competition is fierce, and in that situation, you may be required to battle for our affections. Probably at Laser Quest.

Apply to NRAJ Box 7
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com