Wu Tang Clan Require Young Dirty Bastard – New York / Shaolin

Job: Dirty Bastard
Artform: Rap / Deranged crack-fuelled mysticism
Paid?: Cream, get the money, dollar dollar bill y’all
Location: All the way from the Slums of Shaolin

Following the sad demise of our old Dirty Bastard, a vacancy has come up within the Wu Tang Clan for a young Dirty Bastard.

Obviously, Dirt McGirt leaves large, Wu Wear shoes to fill, and so we’re looking for someone really special to inherit the Big Baby Jesus mantle.

Key skills will include:-

  • Incomprehensible, yet captivating, rhyme style
  • Understanding that ‘being on the run’ means avoiding places where you might be discovered, e.g. a Wu Tang Clan concert.
  • Bringing the motherfucking ruckus

If you’d like to apply, please send in a resume, plus answer the following questions:-

  • When was the last time you had ‘beef’ with someone, and what steps did you take to resolve it?
  • You are in a McDonalds. Do you:
    • a) Stop to sign autographs, attracting a crowd, which leads to police suspicion, resulting in your arrest;
    • b) Not do that.
  • In your position as an expert, would you consider that Wu Tang Clan are or ain’t nothing to fuck with?*

Please be aware that unsuccessful applicants may wish to apply for other trainee roles within the Wu, including Method Boy, Police Sergeant Deck, and Apprentice Killah.

* Note potentially problematic double negative.

Please apply to NRAJ Box 25
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com

UPDATE:

Since this job was posted in April 2010, the position of Young Dirty Bastard has been filled by… well, by Young Dirty Bastard aka Boy Jones. This job application is therefore closed. We wish Young Dirty Bastard all the best with his job, especially if he keeps making tunes like this. That’s the satisfaction of a job advert well filled, my friend.

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