Fugly Muse Required – St Ives

Job: Muse
Artform: Art Form
Paid?: In equal amounts of desire and repulsion
Location: St Ives, Cornwall

Hello, dearest.

I am a painter in oils in the artistic enclave of St Ives, Cornwall. I’m looking for an inspirational muse for a new series of paintings. You must possess an indefinable grace and poise, with a cheeky yet harrowing quality, and also be fugly.

I’m looking for someone with an almost-indiscernible gleam of defiance behind their eyes – someone who could lead armies into battle with but an imperceptible circle of their shoulder, and a casually-parted lip.

And a face like a welder’s bench.

Gender is not important. Age is not important. Class is not important. Hair colour is not important. Skin tone is not important. Build is not important.

A face is important.

A face with character, with charm, with flair; with its nose on all wrong, one eye chillingly larger than the other, and hefty tufts of hair in places that it should never be.

A face fit for falling on.

The main emotion I wish to engender in an audience is: “HOLY SHIT! WHAT IS THAT? THAT CAN’T BE REAL! HOLY SHIT!”

As a painter in the New New New Grotesque style, I take elements from the Grotesque school, the New Grotesque school, and the New New Grotesque school, but refresh it with modern elements to make images undeniably New New New Grotesque-esque.

My work has been described as “Jenny Saville meets Lucian Freud in Picasso’s Guernica, and takes him to tea in a battle-ravaged tea shop with Beryl Cook” (St Ives AdverStIvesr).

Previous work included a triptych entitled “Bell / Biv / DeVoe”, and work with another fugly model “This Is What It Looks Like When Love Is Blind”.

Oh, and applicants should also be comfortable with appearing in the nip.

Do get in touch. I’m totally barren without you.

Apply to NRAJ Box 24
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com

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