Bee Required For Dance Workshops – Newcastle

Job: Workshop Leader
Artform: Dance
Paid?: All the pollen you can carry.
Location: Newcastle / North East

In this time of financial instability, we at Arts Council North East are looking to every part of society to pull together, develop transferrable skills, and support our struggling arts professionals.

We’re therefore looking for a bee, based in Newcastle, to run some dance workshops.

Due to cutbacks, we have had to withdraw funding for the Newcastle Konservatoire Of Transformative Ballet, leaving the thirty dancers – currently under contract – with no job. Without a job, these dancers will seek alternative employ – perhaps in a strip club. Or worse – they could end up living feral in the Borough Woods on the A1 near Morpeth, or going on Britain’s Got Talent.

Thankfully, our scheme Little Acorns To Mighty Artists is here to encourage skills sharing and a mutual reliance between the Arts and the Natural world.

We’re therefore looking for a Workshop Leader who can teach the thirty unemployed dancers of the NKOTB the traditional dance of the bee. The benefits of this scheme are two-fold – the proud, performative heritage of the apine world is continued and maintained in the face of Colony Collapse Disorder, and unemployed dancers are taught a trade.

Our dream is that soon we shall see the legs of these dancers smeared with pollen, as they then direct other troupes of dancers towards the best outcrop of blooms. The dancers can then retire to their Sage Gateshead Hive, to repeatedly ingest and regurgitate the pollen and make sweet, sweet honey. This is Arts In Action – retraining performance-makers to give them both a transferrable skill and a self-perpetuating food source.

The bee must be Newcastle-based, and must have experience of bee dancing – whether based in a man-made or natural hive. In the first instance, send a CV and a reference from your Queen. We may later ask for a DVD recording of your dance, evidence of your experience handling large numbers of drones, and possibly a sample of the honey created, as we’ve almost run out in the office.

Your compensation will be all the pollen you can take away from the Arts Council North East gardens, BUPA membership, and free tickets to anything at the Baltic that takes your fancy.

No Wasps. We know the difference, you little shits.

This is an Arts Council North East Opportunity – “Arts? Why Aye!”

Apply to NRAJ Box 23
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com

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