Assistant Director Wanted To Do Not A Damn Thing – London

Job: Assistant Director
Artform: Noiseless support
Paid?: Vicariously.
Location: OUT OF MY EYELINE.

I am Gregory Manwood, Artistic Director of Grey Box Theatre. I am looking for an Assistant Director for my new production of “The Importance of Being Earnest” who is looking for experience, participation in a first-class piece of theatre, and to do not a damn thing.

Look, let’s not fool ourselves. I am the Director of this piece. You need experience, and I am willing to give you that experience. Now… hush hush, eh? Go sit in the corner.

I don’t care what you do over there. Don’t you have an iPod or anything? Apparently the crossword in the Metro isn’t too bad. I wouldn’t know, of course, I’ve been too busy directing plays to ever have the time to do crosswords.

Oh, you have ideas about the scene, do you? How can I make this plainer? I’m not interested. If you wanted to direct “The Importance of Being Earnest”, you should have gone and directed it yourself. Think about that next time you consider interrupting my Vision.

Do you think Wilde himself had an Assistant Wilde who sat at his elbow whilst he was writing and added commas, adjusted grammar, suggested witty bon mots? Don’t make me laugh!

No, I mean it. Don’t make me laugh. Now look what you’ve done. Algernon has started wearing a hat. I didn’t see a hat in my Vision. You have compromised my Vision. Get in the corner.

You want a job? You’ve got a job! Silently make notes on everything I do. You will learn quicker that way.

You don’t have a notebook? You’ve got another job! You must leave the rehearsal room and buy yourself a notebook. Take your time.

Your name will appear in the programme, although I don’t know why. You haven’t done a damn thing. Maybe I will change your job title. “Directorial Trainee”? “Company Executive”? “Production Team”?

No. To carefully consider changing your job title would take time. Time that I do not have. You’ll have to change it yourself. Another job for you!

What great experience you’re getting! Remember me in your memoirs, won’t you? It’s “Manwood”. Gregory Manwood.

Apply to NRAJ Box 22
notrealartsjobs@googlemail.com

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