Fat Orphan Required For Drag Musical – Manchester
Job: Chunky Ragamuffin Child
Artform: Hefty Presence
Paid?: Only in glory, darling. Only in glory.
Hello darlings. My name is Sandy Dimmock, the celebrated DIVA. I’ve posted on Not Real Arts Jobs before, and that employment had a HAPPY ENDING COUGH NUDGE OOOH NUDGE so here I am again. YOU ARE TOO LUCKY.
I am putting on a musical version of the Sandra Bullock film “The Blind Side”, which I have entitled “The Sandra Bullock Film The Blind Side: The Musical”.
The story is about a FABULOUS homely woman, played by Sandra (film) / Me (musical), who takes in a MASSIVELY OBESE boy who has run away from home and who imbues him with a sense of GORGEOUS SELF-BELIEF, like Gok would.
He then becomes a WONDERFULLY SWEATY athlete – an American Football player who plays a sport that I DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL but which involves him rubbing himself agains the rippling haunches of COLLEGE STUDENTS. Oooh.
I’m therefore looking for a FAT ORPHAN. They must be at least tubby, preferably MONSTROUS. You get extra points if you bring YOUR OWN HELMET NUDGE COUGH AHEM AHEM.
The songs include “36-24-36 Hut Hut”, “My Heart Is As Big As Your Orphaned Ass”, and “MILF Cheerleader”. For that last one, I wear a Cheerleader costume.
The Chubby Waif in question will not have to do any acting, per se. How could they, next to such an electric stage presence as mine own? No, they must stand next to me and be INSPIRED BY MY MOUTH.
I mean, by the things I say. OOOH POUT POUT WINK.
Of course, I have up to twelve costume changes in the show, but you also have a costume change, when you discard your raggedy HOBO CLOTHES and put on an American Football costume, including HELMET.
And if you are experienced in OOOH NUDGE POUT any other WINK NOD NOD EYELASH-FLUTTER theatrical techniques POUT POUT SIGH OOOH then that would be appreciated too. POUT NUDGE NUDGE WINK.
Apply to NRAJ Box 19